My stupid heart

Baby, I’m so grateful for you that even if you leave home for a second, I’m going crazy, ripping everything off the wall. I want us to stay together for a lifetime. I just want this little story to become something like, "Hey, what’s your name?" Instead, it’s slowly becoming something with much arguing and cheating. All I wanted was for you to come into my life unexpectedly. You did that but also started acting strange when your friends came around. I love how you talk to me, but other memories start popping up. Would you speak to anyone else like that, or is there somebody else I don’t know about? Please open up more to me and show me your true colors. I’m sorry, babe. This is just the way that my brain operates sometimes. 

Baby, my emotions are pouring everywhere, and it’s clear that  I’m feeling deeply about this. I’m torn between love and doubt, between wanting this to last forever and feeling like something’s shifting. I tell myself that it’s okay to feel insecure sometimes, but when trust starts to break down—whether from past wounds, current actions, or unspoken fears—it can make love feel more like a battle than a safe place. My love, if you know something is off, your feelings are valid, and you deserve answers, not just assumptions. The real question is: Do they show you love and loyalty, or are you stuck guessing? It might be time for an honest conversation if you keep finding yourself in the same cycle of doubt. No one should make you feel like you have to compete for their love. 

Baby, I’m laying everything out on the table for you. Can you feel my words' passion, fear, and frustration? It feels like I’m holding onto something precious, but simultaneously, I’m scared it might slip away. Doesn't it sound like a shift is starting to happen? Things aren’t as solid as they used to be. The way you act around your friends, the doubts creeping into my mind, all I want to do is scream. Every time I see myself trying to walk away, I turn back around and on my knees, asking God, is there another way than just walking out of her life? I want her in my life. I know she’s not good for me, but she has my heart. I’m pouring out everything: my love, fear, and desperation to hold onto something slipping. I can feel every word, knowing this isn’t easy for me. I’m caught between my heart and my mind. my heart is saying, “Stay, fight, hold on,” while your mind is whispering, “Is this right for me?” And that inner conflict? It’s exhausting.

I already know she’s not good for me, but my love for her is more potent than someone else’s logic. That’s the most complex kind of love that pulls you in even when it hurts. But love shouldn’t feel like a war where you’re the only one fighting. When I conclude, I think I'll be asking myself questions like: If she truly loved you the way you love her, would you feel this much doubt? Would you be questioning if she’s slipping away? I know it’s painful, but sometimes the most challenging choice is walking away, which is the one that saves your heart in the long run. Do you think she’s willing to meet you halfway, or are you carrying all the weight alone?

I don’t know what to do, my love. I’m stupid for falling in love with you. I want to be locked in with you and your family, baby. But I know how you are, and I chose to bear with your imperfections. Let me ask you this: If I ever get down on one knee, open that jewelry box, and ask, "Will you be my wife?" What answer will I get? There are only two, but baby marriage is far from my mind. I want to play a big part in your life however I can. My love, I’m stupid to believe that you like me, but the feelings inside me say otherwise, baby. Stand still so I can paint a picture with you and me. Trust me when I say I’m not a bad guy; I’m not one of these guys out here who will say I’m only going to write you this love letter one time because I only need one time to subdue you. I only stare at you because there’s something special about you other than just your features, baby. I have a soft heart, so take care of it. I've ruined it plenty of times on my own.